OPEN

when i was young and free and my imagination had no limits i dreamed of changing the world

The air was nice. That was always his first thought when he walked outside, regardless of the weather. The outdoors were a place he rarely ventured to these days, typically holing himself up in his room or the library to study. Being near windows gave brief relief to the anxieties that he had to push down into his unsettled stomach constantly until the moment he couldn't take it anymore. Feeling ill was a good excuse to seek out fresh air. Claiming claustrophobia when people started to huddle around him made them leave. He could take care of himself. He always did.

Well, that's what he told others. More often than not he forgot to eat, leaving his stomach typically empty for these moments. Though his roommate seemed set on tending to him like a mother hen, he wasn't always around to ensure that Arthur ate. He had his own things to do... Studies- though he seemed to soak up knowledge like those Italians soaked up attention-, Quidditch, and the numerous friends he'd managed to make despite initially being the outcast of the Slytherin House due to his rather... Gryffindor-suited personality.

It was late, though. Bugs chirped all about as the cool night air settled onto the ground. He took a deep breath and let the quiet settle in. Somehow it was both welcoming and uncomfortable. Somewhere along the line he'd gotten used to the American's constant chatter or Iain's snarky remarks... Sometimes he longed to hear Peter speak to him like he'd tried in the beginning, not that Arthur would've spoken back. Even if it tore the other apart, it was better for him... wasn't it? He still had Iain, Donny, and his Quidditch team. He didn't have the constant pressure or the fear of failure. He could do whatever he pleased... He could be himself and not the puppet of some mad witch.

Arthur wrapped his arms around his chest, not quite sure if it was the cold that had compelled him or the desperate need to hold himself together. He was hopelessly falling apart and nobody could stop it... No, not while she was still alive. Not while Loraine was still breathing and watching his every move. He felt like some insignificant insect beneath a microscope, except one unplanned move and he would be set on fire. Even after years away from her- especially once he'd managed to lie to her about extra credit during breaks so he didn't have to go home- he still suffered the occasional nightmare. She would bring him such fear that he would forget any spell to quell that. He would try looking through spell books, but all the spells he needed were blacked out.

All except those spells. The unforgivable ones... Those he knew as though by heart, practiced again and again on the Loraine in his dreams. He remembered every one of them, reveling in the satisfaction and relief it brought him to think that one day it would be real. One day she would be gone and he would never have to fear again.

He would be released from her grasp, and even if that meant he would die in the process or spend the rest of his life in Azkaban that was fine. At least she wouldn't be there. He would finally be able to close his eyes and not see her...

As though to remind him of his uncertainty as he closed his eyes, a particular face popped up. He could feel a heat rush to his cheeks as his eyes popped wide open before his brows furrowed into a frustrated scowl. Of course he would be there, too. The blond never left him alone, and those bright blue eyes followed him everywhere. He was so attentive he wouldn't be surprised if Alfred was the first one to find him out here.

Arthur glanced over to make sure it wasn't so. He just wanted a few more minutes to himself as he walked along the field, mind adrift. He was safe here at Hogwarts... He was safe and he feared nothing- so long as Loraine never came.